


the sky doesn't look real

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: As Always Rich Guy!Akashi, Cliche, Drama, Fate, Fluff, Fluff delayed aha ahaha, Great for thirsty Akkr lovers, M/M, Manager!Ogiwara, Memories, No Angst, Romance, Secretary!Momoi, Trippy descriptions of the sky, but not that slow., cos yall thirsty, just drama, kILlme, painter!kuroko, slow burn??, some shoujo manga crap right here, that will make u dokidoki-//slapped
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9893648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: As Tetsuya paints, he can't help but wonder what Seijuurou's thinking right now.Is he upset? Sad? Desperate? Is he still as useless as he used to be when it came to emotions?-----This isn't just going beyond Seijuurou's expectations. This is completely eradicating the normalcy of the situation, and Seijuurou has to struggle not to burst out laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation really is.-----In which Akashi just doesn't give enough f**ks so he stupidly tries to get Kuroko back so he can wife him again-/no/(edited summary)





	1. [Fate is a Formidable Opponent]

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of getting bored in a car in the middle of the way home.
> 
> Notes:  
> -Clearly I don't know how art exhibitions work but let's assume that people can carelessly ask if they can buy the paintings  
> -Guys I don't even know how Kuroko managed to become this famous  
> -Let's think of Kuroko as a modern-day artist who has just enough fans to be loved like a celebrity  
> -My babies are both 28

Kuroko Tetsuya never paints the sky anymore.

~~He did it once before. Just once.~~

He admires it, adores its stretching expansions of colours blending into blue and grey and millions of other shades that reflect light peeking through fluffy, hazy clouds. Tetsuya often sits in the yard behind his house and looks up. He reaches out to the stars, sometimes the sun and on lesser days, simply the cloudy expanse of monotonous blur. He never fails to visualize the countless strokes he could brush on paper, imagining the fully constructed image of his unattainable dreams that slowly shift into night before he could end his fantasy.

Despite all this, despite all his love and yearning for all things unreachable, he never,  _ever_ paints the sky.

_Never again._

It's really just a matter of irrational fear, because when Tetsuya looks at the sky, the lingering feeling of distress sits still in his heart, a worry that at any moment in any time, the sky would disappear, because Tetsuya realized, somewhere in his life, that his favourite masterpiece, _the sky,_ doesn't look real at all. Why paint something that is already a painting on its own? Admittedly, an ever-changing and evolving one, flourishing in both design and texture, but a painting nevertheless. Such a perspective is biased, as Kuroko knows, but he adamantly refuses to challenge his own beliefs.

In the way its colours shift too many times and the way the clouds look too soft, with shades of white and grey and _purple_ contrasting between indistinct borders, fading, _fading-_

_It can't be real. It shouldn't be._

~~Maybe most would never think such a thing, but humans are quite the fickle species.~~

And so, as Tetsuya would say over and over again:

" _I'll never paint the sky. Ever again."_

* * *

It isn't intentional. Seijuurou never meant to go into some art gallery to browse or anything like that. Someone like him has no time to do any such thing, and he really shouldn't be having any free time. 

Long story short, one of his business partners died just this morning out of nowhere when they were supposed to have a meeting at this time to discuss further benefits of their association.

Seijuurou merely sighed and glanced at his watch when Satsuki told him the news. Seijuurou planned to go back to work, but as usual, his unusually flashy secretary with extraordinarily large breasts and equally amazing brain insisted that they make use of this free time. 

"There's an art exhibition right across the street and I've been dying to see this artist's work in person for a while now, Akashi-kun, so this must be a miracle from the heavens. Please don't rain on my parade." Satsuki had her hands on her hips and everything. It was quite the refreshing sight.

The corner of Seijuurou's lips was twitching.

"Very well, Momoi-san."

* * *

Tetsuya usually doesn't come to supervise his own exhibitions, but this is one of his biggest and his best friend (and manager) had nagged about it all week.

"Just come for once, you'll get to see all the smiling faces and I'm sure you'll feel all warm and fuzzy inside-"

"Ogiwara-kun, there are no such things as _fuzzy_  feelings."

Tetsuya gave in, so here he sits,  somewhere in the corner of the gallery on a meager plastic chair.

Esteemed artist or not, he doesn't exactly get any thrones. Tetsuya keeps his head down, blue eyes just barely peeking through sunglasses and his hair tucked underneath his hood. Tetsuya is glad for his largely lacking presence, allowing him to avoid suspicious looks, considering his blatantly conspicuous attire. Ogiwara said that he would come soon, but numerous minutes have ticked by and alas, he is nowhere to be seen. Tetsuya sighs, crossing his arms as he stares at a woman enraptured by one of his works.

"Excuse me, is this up for sale?" Tetsuya hears her ask one of the staff.

"It isn't, ma'am." It really isn't. Tetsuya would never sell that one even if his life depended on it. It's his very first.

"I'm sure I can work something out with the artist..." 

Tetsuya lets her voice mute itself out into white noise once he hears those words come out of her mouth. The number of times he's had to hear that are astounding. Tetsuya's glad that Ogiwara has always been able to brief the staff about refusing all the persistent ones that try to get their hands on it. 

Too caught up in his own thoughts, Tetsuya doesn't notice the unbearably striking red haired man that enters the building with his overly excited secretary.

* * *

Seijuurou can barely hold Satsuki back from possibly ramming herself straight into the paintings when they enter the gallery. Thank God he left his briefcase in the car. 

Seijuurou would love to say that he's quite the lenient boss, but Satsuki is really the only exception. He holds a great deal of respect for her after the many years that they have been together, her trustworthy nature allowing him to rest assured whenever he is in need, so Seijuurou lets her do whatever she wants as long as she gets her job done. As Seijuurou turns back and forth to scan his surroundings, all the while keeping a good grip on Satsuki's shoulder, he has to admit, whoever the artist is, they're good at what they do. In the end, he allows himself to be led by an overwhelmingly ecstatic Satsuki, finding himself dragged towards a painting that seems to stick out among the others. After Seijuurou thought about it for a second, he realized.

_That's the only painting of a sky here. Everything else is-_

"You know, this artist paints anything and everything, all except the sky." Satsuki is eager to give Seijuurou an entire lecture on this. "He debuted with this painting of a scenery consisting mostly of the sky so it's basically his first. Everyone wants this. The highest bidder set it at almost two million yen. Kuroko-sensei refuses to let anyone buy it."

"Kuroko-sensei?" Seijuurou tries to listen as he examines the painting in detail.

"Kuroko Tetsuya. That's his name." Satsuki is gushing now, so Seijuurou raises an eyebrow as he turns back to her. "Don't give me that look! He's adorable, you know? You've never seen him on TV? Social media?"

Seijuurou chuckles and shakes his head. He does watch TV, but only for the news. And social media? He doesn't even know how Facebook works.

"You know, if you had an Instagram account, everyone would follow you just for your looks. Maybe I should make one for you- Ow!! Okay, I won't, jeez~"

Seijuurou pinched her arm at the statement out of playful spite. "Why don't we move on to look at the other paintings?"

"Fine, fine..." 

Seijuurou pretends not to hear the whispers around him and he's glad that Satsuki doesn't mention them either.

_"Akashi Seijuurou in an art gallery?"_

_"Kyaaa!! Kimi-chan look!!!"_

_"Akashi-sama looks exceptional today."_

_"He looks great everyday!!"_

Seijuurou resists the urge to roll his eyes.

* * *

Tetsuya is beginning to grow far beyond irritated. 

He stares at passersby that walk past him without a thought, thinking about what they're like, what they might do...

Humans are fascinating, after all.

 _That one probably just got divorced, she has her ring on her necklace._ That _one just looks nasty, no point looking at him. Why is he even here? And that one-_

Tetsuya's heart stops. 

_-is Akashi Seijuurou._

* * *

_Kuroko Tetsuya...Kuroko Tetsuya..._

Seijuurou can't place the memory, but the name sounds terribly familiar, natural on the tip of his tongue and digging in the back of his mind. 

"Aw, this is one of my favourites! Aren't the cherry blossoms beautiful?" Satsuki's fingers twitched, wanting to touch the canvas and yet not wanting to all the same. Seijuurou spares a glance, but he's too submerged in his thoughts to comment. Seijuurou opts to look around instead, eyes almost condescendingly scrutinizing everyone with perceptible sharpness. Seijuurou's gaze stops dead on a figure sitting in a corner, stabbing crimson red clashing with the soft aquamarine irises of the man he is locking eyes with. 

_No way. It can't be._

Seijuurou starts walking, but he isn't sure about what he's trying to reach.

* * *

The moment Seijuurou takes a step forward, Tetsuya stands up and hastily stumbles through the crowd, bumping into shoulders and confusing the many that he is colliding with. He keeps his hood down to cover his noticeable hair. Tetsuya's fists are clenched in his pockets, palms layered with cold sweat and fingers digging into the soft cotton of his jacket. His heart almost stops for the second time that day when a hand suddenly grabs onto his wrist. His head jerks sharply to see who it is and the look of relief could not be more evident on his face when he sees that it's just Ogiwara.

"Kuroko, I'm sorry that I'm late, but what are you-"

"There's no time to explain right now, we'll talk later." Kuroko interrupts him, drags him away and out the entrance door. 

Ogiwara follows, mostly out of bafflement.

* * *

_No. Don't leave._

Seijuurou ignores the fact that Satsuki is calling out, his feetcarrying him forward as though they have a mind of their own, the taps of his loafers echoing on the marble floors. Seijuurou doesn't lose him in the commotion (thank God for his eyesight), his brain far too fixated on this miracle, this unearthly and completely unanticipated phenomenon that has his heart shuddering, _tightening_ and beating faster than it ever should. 

This isn't the time to lose focus.

* * *

 The moment Tetsuya's feet step out of the building, he breaks into a sprint.

Just like Seijuurou, he doesn't know where he's going either.

 


	2. [May the Gods Grant Me Patience for This World]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> -If you guys spotted 'sanguine', i took the literary definition, which is apparently 'blood-red'. Hope this can prevent misunderstanding!!  
> -Kuroko is surprisingly better at controlling his emotions  
> -Kuro beb so cold yet so cool *^*

_The moment Tetsuya's feet step out of the building, he breaks into a sprint._

_Just like Seijuurou, he doesn't know where he's going either._

* * *

Seijuurou loses him.

He isn't sure why. Perhaps the shock got to him. Whatever it may be, the moment Tetsuya ran out with the brunette, hand in hand, Seijuurou could not keep up any longer. 

Seijuurou lets it go, jaw clenching as his hand slips into his pocket, reaching for his phone. He calls his chauffeur. The phone slides back in after just a few seconds, Seijuurou's hand still gripping tight onto it. Maybe he could've cracked it if Satsuki had come a moment sooner.

"Akashi-kun!" Satsuki appears in front of Seijuurou, short of breath. "Jeez, don't run off like that, what's wrong with y-"

Satsuki cuts herself off when she sees Seijuurou's expression, eyes too far away to even be in the same dimension. Satsuki doesn't like the way his gaze tilts in all the wrong directions, the ruby red around his pitch-black pupils dipping into sanguine depths. How infectious. Seijuurou's distress bleeds and the feeling sinks into Satsuki's skin, her prime pink tainted by the screaming scarlet that sneaks beneath the vessels of the heart. No, wait. _It's regret._   _Regret_ carries Seijuurou in its currents as he swims in dangerous waters without a guide to his purpose. Satsuki shakes her head as her hand grabs hold of Seijuurou's wrist, pulling him towards his arriving car. Seijuurou follows.

His true destination, however, clearly lies elsewhere.

* * *

Tetsuya and Ogiwara sits in a cafe, each across the other but Tetsuya might as well be miles away. His restless fingertips tap incessantly on the wooden table, his other hand resting under his chin as his stare pierces the floor. Ogiwara snaps his fingers in front of his face.

"Kuroko, you're so out of it today. Why did we run away from the exhibition? Too socially awkward in crowds?" Ogiwara means to tease, but the eye contact he makes with Tetsuya just after that is more bone-chilling than ice in hell. Ogiwara suppresses a shudder. Tetsuya's fingers stop moving, the sound abruptly vanishing, creating the illusion of dead silence as voices around them melted into the distant background, static in the atmosphere. Ogiwara might as well be sighing with relief as he is liberated from the incarcerating clutches of Tetsuya's mere presence, the blue-haired man's eyes averting elsewhere to loosen the ropes. 

"I saw something I didn't want to see today, Ogiwara-kun." Tetsuya's bangs are getting too long, the strands brushing over the space just below the eyebrows.

"Eh? Is it important?? You can just forget about it if it's not..." Ogiwara trails off to avoid hitting any sore spots.

Tetsuya shakes his head. "It's important, but I still want to forget about it. Is that wrong?"

"I suppose...it is," Ogiwara replies hesitantly.

Tetsuya exhales, his breath heavier than the ashen clouds hanging up in the desolate skies.

* * *

"Find him. I want to know everything. Where he goes, what he does, just  _make sure_ that I'll be able to see him again-"

" _Calm down,_ Akashi-kun, why do you want to see Kuroko-sensei so badly? What's your connection to hi-"

"I'll tell you later, just  _find him-_ "

"No." Momoi crossed her arms, nails biting into her sleeves.

Seijuurou looked up from his phone, strained eyes meeting Momoi's defiant ones. "No?"

"Yes,  _no_ , Akashi-kun. I may be your secretary but I am your friend first and foremost, so excuse me if I would rather hear the story so I'll know if you're okay or you're being stupidly rash." Momoi doesn't waver, years of experience allowing her to handle the stare that would have brought thousands down to their knees.

Seijuurou says nothing. He looks away, red locks shadowing his face.

_There's too much to tell._

* * *

"Let's form a plan of evasion, Ogiwara-kun."

"Eh? What are we evading?"

A round of coffee has lifted Tetsuya's spirits, enough to let his mind ignore the lurching discord in his heart. His artistic twinkle is back in his eyes, the natural instinct of his soul that views the world in proportional sections. Vision cleared and thoughts at rest, Tetsuya hums thoughtfully as he thinks of what he has to explain to Ogiwara. To think that _Akashi Seijuurou_ would come barging into his life with the unyielding strength of a raging bull in such a way, the universe is truly in a mischievous mood. Tetsuya must stand his ground. This is no time to lose balance, lest he is provoked by Seijuurou's treacherous ways. 

_Treacherous? Isn't that too harsh?_

~~~~Tetsuya ignores the nagging conscience in his brain.

_Are you really doing the right thing?_

"A person, Ogiwara-kun." Tetsuya's coffee cup is drained to the bottom, traces drying on the ceramic in sticky layers of milky brown.

Ogiwara raises an eyebrow. Tetsuya is an angel who loves all and is loved by all. Ogiwara definitely wants to meet this person, whoever he is, because he doesn't think that he's ever seen Tetsuya this riled up before. "Oh? Who?"

Irate fury flashes past Tetsuya's expression for just a second before he gives a dry smile to replace it. "There is no reason for you to know. He's smart, deceptive, and someone I never want to see again. That's all that matters."

Ogiwara doesn't like this. Ogiwara has only seen this once before, years and years ago in a time that is long forgotten because it doesn't deserve to be remembered.

_But then again, there isn't really any decided right or wrong in this kind of world, huh?_

~~_"It's all gone."_ ~~

Seijuurou chooses not to talk to Satsuki about the past. He'll spare it for another day, he says. He's actually just too worn out to make the effort.

Seijuurou decides to take the day off, the rhythmic beating of his heart seemingly erratic as he settles down on his bed, Egyptian silk sheets and fine mahogany doing nothing to ease his troubled mind. He's left with his boxers, the fabric of his mattress sliding uncomfortably across his skin, as though Seijuurou could suddenly feel every string of the material dig into his back like prickly needles. How anxious must he be, to be able to feel inconceivably perturbed by trivial sensations as though his world is suddenly sharpened too a degree beyond humanity? Notions such as these only add to his frustration. Hot blood rushes through his brain, sweat clings to the nape of his neck and a dull ache throbs in his temples. Seijuurou rakes his fingers through his hair.  

He's not going to sleep much tonight.

~~_"What makes you think you can do that?!"_ ~~

Tetsuya hums a nostalgic tune as he showers, relishing the feel of warm water gliding across his delicate skin. The demons that plague Seijuurou's mind are not absent in Tetsuya's own, but the blue-haired man knows well enough to keep them locked away in deep crevices of his mind, where they belong, allowing them minimal control over his rationality. All this comes from years of practice, from dwelling in the past to chasing after the future, all the steps necessary to move on,  _let go._ Tetsuya has walked a steady pace all this time, but today's developments have stopped him in his tracks and blocked his way forward. Tetsuya clicks his tongue in irritation at the thought, his hand already gripping the faucet and cutting the water off. How laughable. In the end, his efforts throughout all that time proves to be useless. How  _dare_ Seijuurou disrupt the tranquility of his new life without invitation.

_How **dare** he._

~~_"We're alright then?"_ ~~

Seijuurou's eyes remain fixated on the ceiling as he wanders through his newfound memories, dusty old records slipping out of the shelves in his personal archive and opening up to unveil past recollections that Seijuurou swore long ago to store away. Despite this, those missing pieces return to force themselves into Seijuurou, disregarding the fact that there may not even be any places left to fit them in. Seijuurou's commitment is null and void now. There are no constraints to hold everything back any longer. 

_~~"Forget it."~~ _

As Tetsuya paints, he can't help but wonder what Seijuurou's thinking right now. 

Is he upset? Sad? Desperate? Is he still as useless as he used to be when it came to emotions?

_There you go again with the insults._

Tetsuya accidentally lets some paint drip onto his shirt when his hand stops in its tracks on the way to the canvas, staining it black.

_Just like me._

_[You will never have to see me again.]_

_I no longer have the right to be in Tetsuya's life._

Seijuurou knows this. He's finally gotten it together, sorted it all out and he realizes that this is what he told himself back when it was necessary.

What does it matter? Seijuurou's human, he's selfish and he wants,  _needs_ Tetsuya in his life again.

_I broke my promise once already. This is nothing._

_[Forget me.]_

Tetsuya is beginning to grow tired of the music he has playing faintly in the background. 

He shuts it off, letting deafening silence take over his hearing. Tetsuya looks back at his latest work in progress, the incompleteness of it deeply vexing, but he forces himself to look away and turn in for the night. 

_I need my energy to keep Seijuurou at bay._

_[I love you.]_

Seijuurou closes his eyes...

_~~"He's gone."~~ _

...and Tetsuya drifts into the darkness of sleep.

* * *

_Are you sure?_

_._

_._

_._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND SO THE PLOT (that I think is ultimately predictable) THICKENS  
> Ahhh Kuroko is too hard-hearted to let Akashi into his life again...but wHY?
> 
> AHAHAHAHAH I'm sorry the build is kinda slow but I hope you will continue enjoying the story... (I also apologize for my very infrequent updates, I swear I try pls forgive me *hides*)
> 
> hHhHh I mean if you think about it Kuroko should be better at handling these things cos Akashi can't understand them as well as he should.
> 
> wELL ANYWAY-
> 
> -drunk cat sai-chan


	3. [wish me luck as i chase you through time]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter, we talk about kuroko's crazy fans and we follow his plan of evasion that inevitably fails because dUh aKASHI SEIJUUROU IS ON YOUR TAIL TETSUYA WWWW-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> -The literary meaning of [abysmal] is [very deep]  
> -Kuroko is very mysterious and oddly terrifying and that makes me happy so yes  
> -Kuroko is very sed  
> -Akashi gives no fucks so he decides to have fun  
> -Kuroko is famous because i want him to be famous (fite me)

"The usual Maji Burger today?" Ogiwara has his eyes on his phone, sighing and shaking his head at the sight of Tetsuya's exploding Instagram account. He posted a  _selfie_. How does a  _selfie_ warrant twenty thousand likes in 10 minutes? "Also, appreciate your fans more, Kuroko. Look at those likes, flying in like wildfire. Get those girls. Or boys. Whatever you want. Love them." 

"Don't be ridiculous, Ogiwara-kun. They don't love me  _that_ much." Tetsuya stops in his tracks for a moment to think, catching at Ogiwara's sleeve to stop him as well. Ogiwara is already giving him the usual incredulous look as a response to his nonchalant reply about his insane fans. Ogiwara may think that he simply doesn't know how many shrines are built in his name, but Tetsuya merely chooses to put that information far in the back of his mind, where the monstrosities belong. No deity in the heavens can help those girls now (and maybe some boys, Tetsuya's not sure about them). "We're not doing Maji Burger today, it has to be somewhere else."

"Right. We're, uh...evading, right?" Ogiwara finally decides to put away his phone, no longer able to handle the redundant comments, worship and love proclamations popping up all over Tetsuya's account. As his manager, Ogiwara's supposed to watch out for threatening or inappropriate comments, but there is really no need for any such thing when it comes to the ever wonderful  _Tetsuya-sama_ , as dubbed by the many fangirls of the Kuroko Tetsuya Love Cult. ~~(Ogiwara has a sneaking suspicion that some of them may have even been crazy enough to try selling their souls in exchange for Tetsuya's existence. Dear Lord, curse the many ways his mind has been tainted by the internet)~~

"Precisely. I'm touched that you remember." Tetsuya doesn't sound at all sincere, but Ogiwara is unfazed. Tetsuya is Tetsuya, after all. The sky-dyed man is busy pondering at the moment, so Ogiwara knows that he has no choice but to let him focus. "Maybe that cafe around the corner? They have vanilla milkshakes." Tetsuya's eyes glittered at the thought of his favourite drink. "Yes, let's do that." 

"Sure. I like their pasta." Ogiwara starts walking only when Tetsuya does, because only God knows if Tetsuya would really be present enough to notice if Ogiwara had gone on first. 

"Ogiwara-kun." Tetsuya's voice is soft because it always is, but softness does not always come with tenderness.

"Yeah?"

Tetsuya looks him straight in the eyes. To this day, Ogiwara still has to strive not to fall into the cruelly abysmal depths of Tetsuya's eyes when he has that look on his face, because  _god_ , Tetsuya is far more terrifying than anything as he radiates an inexplicable peculiarity that ultimately can't be understood. Ogiwara almost stops breathing when Tetsuya starts speaking. 

"Aren't you wondering who I'm even avoiding?"

The question's simple, so Ogiwara laughs, nervous and relieved. "I'm seriously hoping it's not that guy you were so hung up over back in college without me even knowing who he was, but I just totally jinxed it, didn't I?"

Tetsuya personally disagrees with this. Ogiwara is simply too sharp for his own good, and he hit the nail right on the head because that's just how well he really knows Tetsuya. Subconsciously, Ogiwara probably has all the parts of Tetsuya  ~~that he knows of~~ memorized through and through. Tetsuya has often though about this before, how concerning he thinks it is that Ogiwara may be-

Ah, but such things need not be mentioned now. 

"Unfortunately, it is." Kuroko smiles without mirth, his eyelashes fluttering in the wind. Ogiwara thinks it's truly a blessing that Tetsuya's presence is as invisible as it is, or he would have surely died in a stampede of admirers long ago. 

"Does this mean that I might finally get to meet him this time?"

"I'd prefer it if you didn't see him at all, but I'm sure you have, somewhere, sometime."

At this, Ogiwara's eyes widen. "Really? No way. You're not gonna give me any clues?"

Tetsuya's answer is clear even before he responds.

_"Definitely not."_

~~_"What should I paint this time?"_ ~~

"Are you sure he's going to be here?"

Satsuki's skepticism bites through the air as she stares at her employer, the nape of her neck itching from the hair escaping in tufts under the  _hideous_ beanie she wore. Seijuurou sits across the table looking ridiculous with his hair tucked under a fedora and a pair of fake glasses sitting on his nose. Seijuurou looks very subtly excited, happy in the way a child would be when faced with a blood-boiling challenge. Satsuki is glad that Seijuurou finally has something better to do in life other than work ~~(and work, and even more work)~~ but she's worried for the outcome of this precarious game that he's playing, the ambiguous connections between him and Kuroko Tetsuya only further escalating the conflict within her. For the first time in her life, Satsuki's not sure whether any strategy she comes up with will make any sense in their current situation.

"I'm not sure." Seijuurou laughs when Satsuki's eyes widen, hearty and full of life. "I'm never sure of anything with Tetsuya, so it keeps things interesting. He used to be a wonderful boyfriend."

" _Boyfriend?!_ "

"Shh, keep quiet. This is a public space."

" _Akashi, please keep me apprised of any and all details instead of dropping nuclear bombs on me in the future. You'd better tell me everything after today or I will fucki-"_

"Language, Satsuki."

"EXCUSE ME-"

" _Shhh._ "

* * *

Tetsuya suddenly makes an unplanned turn when he feels a chill creep up his spine, dragging Ogiwara along with him. 

"Uh, that's not the way to the cafe, Kuro-"

"My stomach is telling me that I should not go there."

"Okaaayyy...your stomach?"

"Shut up."

_~~"Paint something pretty for me."~~ _

Seijuurou suddenly slips off his fedora and stands up. "We need to move, Satsuki."

"Why?" Satsuki decides that since Seijuurou gets to take off his hat, so does she. Her luscious locks cascade down her shoulders as the beanie comes off, and Satsuki has never been happier about her hair. Seijuurou keeps the glasses on, presumably to remain scarcely in disguise. 

"Kuroko-sensei seems to have taken a detour. He should have been here two minutes ago. Let's move to our next stop." Seijuurou paid in advance earlier, so he leaves right away after setting a thousand yen bill on the table as a tip.

Satsuki follows, still quite confused.

~~_"You'll never catch me."_ ~~

"Argh, he's gonna catch us the first day in. Should we just eat at home?" Tetsuya mentally crosses another restaurant off his list, turning around to go for a different destination. 

"Why don't we just go back to the place we wanted to go to in the first place? If he's really that smart, then he should have left when he realized you weren't going to go there, so it's free now."

Tetsuya stops walking and gives Ogiwara a weary look. "I don't know..."

"C'mon, I'm hungry." It's Ogiwara's turn to drag Tetsuya around now.

Surprisingly, Tetsuya doesn't argue.

* * *

 

When Seijuurou makes Satsuki walk a complete circle around the city and ends up back at the cafe, Satsuki really doesn't get it anymore.

* * *

 

Ogiwara and Tetsuya are now seated at a table in the cafe. Tetsuya sighs happily as he sips on a glass of creamy vanilla, his soul dancing in milkshake limbo. Ogiwara, on the other hand, is eating is pasta like he hasn't eaten in a thousand years. Tetsuya hasn't entirely forgotten about their situation, but he allowed himself to take some time and enjoy the simple things in life. For example,  _his milkshake._  

"Yu shwud pwobaby shtop dhinking dos chings tho much," Ogiwara says with his mouth full, making Tetsuya flick his forehead. "Ow."

"Speak after you swallow. Besides, I don't drink these _that_ often."

Ogiwara swallows. "Sure, Kuroko. I'll book an appointment for the dentist whenever you need it."

"Ogiwara-kun."

"Yeah, yeah, okay."

Tetsuya still feels a tiny bit anxious. Seijuurou  _is_ smart after all. For all he knows, the redhead might even be sitting right behind him at this moment. 

When Tetsuya actually turns to check and sees a flash of red, he begins to desperately pray to every god in existence.

"Ogiwara-kun."

"Yeah?" Ogiwara responds without looking up.

"I need to go to the bathroom."

Ogiwara's head slowly turns up when he recognizes this statement as the emergency exit signal. He tries to sound as casual as possible when he finally speaks. "Okay."

Tetsuya stands up and walks in a direction that is definitely not headed towards the bathroom. He leaves the cafe without a hitch. After all, even if it were really Seijuurou that he saw, they couldn't create a commotion in such a public space.

Tetsuya takes all this back when he hears a salty-sweet, velvet soft and familiar voice speak from behind him.

_"Tetsuya."_

* * *

 

_"You've never felt love if you've never felt pain."_

.

.

. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sO SORRI DAT DIS SHORT CHAPTER EVEN THO I HAVENT UPDATED IN A THOUSAND YEARS. My school is having finals in TWO DAYS and we spent the whole term cramming for chapter tests and homework and pROJECTS HHHH.
> 
> k i l l m e
> 
> I PROMISE I WILL UPDATE LONGLONG CHAPTER AFTER EXAMS
> 
> (feel free to comment protests or any other bullshit becos comments make me feel noticed-//slapped)
> 
> -Sai


	4. [no matter how small my existence may be]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK IN REAL LIFE KIDS, THE WAY AKKR REACTS TO EACH OTHER IS NOT IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD BE A HELL OF A ROMANCE DRAMA. ENJOY THE WHIPPED BABIES AND THEIR STUPID LOVE STORY. THEYRE SO EMOTIONAL THAT SOMETIMES I WONDER WHETHER I SHOULD HAVE EVEN WRITTEN THIS STORY.
> 
> Notes:  
> -In this fic, I like to think that Kuroko's height only reaches Akashi's shoulders (sMOL AW) so go with that image, pls *wink wink*

_"Tetsuya."_

Seijuurou feels so unbelievably giddy, because he just said Tetsuya's name,  _his name,_ and he actually did so with the intention of addressing the person himself, for first time in many, many years. The syllables roll off his tongue easily, but they come with an unpracticed confusion, a dilemma that stems from the years they spent apart. Seijuurou finds that he does not mind this, for it only marks the new beginning of a story that was never finished, a fault that lies entirely with Seijuurou. _Seijuurou_ broke them. That is  _his_ _sin_ ,  _his_ wrongdoing, so why,  _why_ is he acting like it's completely okay to start banging on the walls that Tetsuya built for protection, when it's cemented with bits of the heartbreak caused by Seijuurou himself?

 _The answer is simple_ , Seijuurou thinks with a hollow laugh at himself.  _It's because I'm selfish, and I don't care. Not anymore._

Seijuurou watches as Tetsuya stiffens, and he can imagine exactly what expression Tetsuya must be wearing right now, from the creases in his cheek down to the twitch of his eyebrow, every detail because despite everything, Seijuurou made it a point to memorize every inch of Tetsuya's face just last night as he laid in bed and scrolled through as many pictures of Tetsuya as he could find on every social media platform he encountered. 

Tetsuya turns to face him with a burning defiance that sends shivers up Seijuurou's spine. He's reminded of how beautiful, how sweet and bright his Tetsuya used to be, but he doesn't dislike the mysterious construction of the Tetsuya that stands in front of him today. Tetsuya's eyes are so  _different_ now. What used to be sparkling aquamarines[1] are now scratched dull and overlapped with greyish tones, blurring the outlines that used to clearly shape the inner makings of Tetsuya's soul.

"Akashi-kun. What a pleasant surprise." Tetsuya's monotonous tone is no longer laced with the affection that Seijuurou holds so dear. The teasing blushes of love is replaced by bitterness so rough around the edges that Seijuurou could flinch just thinking about it. 

"I'm glad to hear that." Seijuurou's smile is just as much of a lie as Tetsuya's previous statement. Tetsuya knows that, of course.

Tetsuya stares at Seijuurou as he leans on the wall right next to the cafe's exit with his arms crossed. Seijuurou couldn't have gone out and somehow managed to get in that position that fast. Which means...

"Who was it?" Tetsuya asks, referring to whoever Seijuurou had set up to act as himself in the cafe. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Tetsuya's brain has been strained too much since his anticlimactic reunion with his... _former partner_.

"Takao. Our height difference isn't enough to be noticeable, so I just had him put on a wig. I'm hurt that you couldn't realize that it wasn't even really _my_ shade of  red." 

"As if I'd have any reason to remember what shade of red your stupid hair is." Tetsuya glares at Seijuurou in a way he never had before, not even once, back then. A throbbing ache cracks Seijuurou's heart, but his smile doesn't falter for even a second. 

"You used to be able to find the precise mix of paint that matched my colours perfectly just by memory. I bet you still can."

It's true. Tetsuya still unconsciously does it sometimes, because Seijuurou's shade of red has always been his favourite. Bits of wine red dancing in tones of vermillion, crimson, and the many other tints that took Tetsuya hours to swirl together when he tried to obtain the flawless tinge for the first time. He remembers how his brush dipped into the numerous paints again and again and  _again_ , the paint thinner wearing out the bristles and dripping onto the floor. 

But it's not like he'll admit that sort of thing.

"That memory ran away with you," Tetsuya murmurs, barely audible, but Seijuurou hears.

He always does.

Ogiwara bursts out of the cafe to interrupt the hazy tranquility of the moment.

~~_"You're so pretty."_ ~~

"Your _ex_ is  _Akashi Seijuurou_?"

Seijuurou's eye twitches when he spots the newcomer. He knows that it's Tetsuya's manager, Ogiwara Shigehiro, but it still bothers him to know that this person spends his days by Tetsuya's side most of the time. 

Seijuurou's jaw clenches when he also remembers that Ogiwara and Tetsuya share a childhood friendship.

"Pleased to meet you, Ogiwara-san. I have heard many good things about you from Tetsuya." Seijuurou holds his hand out for a shake, and Ogiwara accepts, still mildly stunned. Seijuurou sees Tetsuya grow tense. Clearly, this is not the outcome he desired. 

Ogiwara takes some time to assess Seijuurou. He knows full well that Seijuurou isn't just a man you can randomly pick out on the streets. As the youngest, most successful businessman in Japanese history, who _wouldn't_ know his name? Rich, classy, typical all-business demeanor... _This guy used to be Tetsuya's boyfriend?_ Granted, Seijuurou's plenty good-looking, and he has all that money he's rolling around in. Coupled with a decent personality, he's definitely the ideal all-in-one partner, but that's not what Tetsuya looks for in a lover. Ogiwara doesn't understand. Seijuurou has to have more to him than meets the eye if he's worth Tetsuya's time, and Ogiwara has never forgotten how much Tetsuya smiled everyday back in university, so what the  _hell_ did Seijuurou do? How did Tetsuya manage to hide Seijuurou away for all their six years of college? Why did they break up?  _How_ did they break up?

"Ogiwara-kun, don't we have somewhere to go?" Tetsuya abruptly tugs on Ogiwara's sleeve urgently. 

Ogiwara gave him a look that amazingly conveyed all his thoughts.  _We don't anywhere to go, and I don't want to go until I get an explanation._

Seijuurou raises an eyebrow. "I took the liberty to do some research on you, Tetsuya, and I happened to find that you are free today, so let's not allow any trivialities to get between us."

"Stop  _stalking_ me." Tetsuya looks mildly indignant. 

"Thank your overly intrusive fans. How else was I supposed to find you?"

" _You weren't supposed to find me at all._ Stay _away_ , Akashi-kun."

"Ogiwara-san, may I borrow Tetsuya?"

"Don't ask _someone else_ for permission to drag _me_ away, Akashi-kun. Are you still unfamiliar with the concept of a person's property rights to his own self?"

"Maybe you should stop being stubborn then."

"That's _my_ line, _Akashi-kun_." Tetsuya says Seijuurou's name like it's an insult of its own.

(He's actually just emphasizing the fact that Seijuurou may well be merely 'Akashi-kun'  _forever_ , and never again _'Seijuurou'_ to him, and he hopes that Seijuurou's smart enough to pick up on that. He is.)

"Okay, I don't care about whatever the hell you guys are fighting about, but can we not do this in front of the cafe's entrance?" Ogiwara glances around and notices a crowd forming just a few feet away from them. The people seem interested enough to watch, but equally too terrified to come any closer. Must be Seijuurou's effect. 

"If you'll excuse me, Ogiwara-san, I would actually prefer it if I could have Tetsuya and myself speak privately somewhere else. I'll return him safely to you, of course." Seijuurou turns to Tetsuya. Tetsuya stares back at him, hard, and Ogiwara watches as the two men seemingly communicate with no words, thousands of messages passing between them through only the emotions that ran through their irises. Somewhere along the way, Tetsuya gives in, his eyes lowering in surrender.

"Go home, Ogiwara-kun," Tetsuya says simply, his eyes not meeting Ogiwara's.

"But-"

"I'll be back in time for dinner, right Akashi-kun?" Tetsuya challenges Seijuurou's possible refusal with a look.

Seijuurou looks like he would probably rather have Tetsuya for longer, but compromise is necessary.

"Certainly."

* * *

 

"What's happening out there?"

Satsuki tries her best to spy on the interactions between her boss and her favourite artist. What are the odds that Seijuurou would have such a history with someone like Kuroko Tetsuya? Satsuki regrets that she was not enrolled in the same university as Seijuurou. 

_I COULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH KUROKO-SENSEI!!_

It seems that Satsuki also really needs to rethink her priorities.

"Momoi-chan, Akashi-kun's going to find it fairly obvious that you're spying." Takao pretends to be more composed as he sips on some iced tea even though he's just as curious as Satsuki is about Seijuurou's predicament. It's not everyday someone calls him out of nowhere to act as a decoy. Takao knows that the blue-haired man out there is Kuroko Tetsuya, but he knows practically nothing else other than that useless piece of information.

In seconds, Satsuki has her face shoved right in front of Takao's. "Takao-kun, that's Akashi-kun's  _ex_!"

Takao chokes on his drink.

"Akashi-kun has an  _ex_? We're talking about the same person here, right? Akashi Seijuurou, our resident workaholic who _has no time for relationships?_ Are you okay, Momoi-chan? Are you healthy?"

" _I'm just fine, thank you._ And I'm not kidding. Kuroko Tetsuya. Akashi's ex. Capiche?"

"No, not really." Takao would rather not understand, thank you. Ain't nobody got time for  _Akashi Seijuurou's_ drama. Normal drama is bad enough. Akashi-style _romance_ drama?  _Hell no_.

"Takao-kun!"

"Alright, alright, I get it! What I  _don't_ get is  _what the hell is happening out there?_ What's Akashi trying to do? Oh, who broke up with who, by the way?" Takao is genuinely curious about this. Imagine Akashi Seijuurou  _getting dumped._

_Unfortunately..._

Satsuki gives Takao a dry smile.

"No idea. I'm not even sure they broke up."

~~Well _shit._~~

~~_"I like your hair."_ ~~

~~~~Seijuurou offers a hand to Tetsuya when Ogiwara's far enough to blend in with the crowds. "Shall we?"

Tetsuya ignores the offer. "Where to?"

Seijuurou retracts his hand, eyes averting to hide his disappointment. "Somewhere. Just don't get lost."

Tetsuya scoffs. "As if. Let's go, I wanna make this quick."

Seijuurou bites his tongue to avoid saying anything as he starts to walk.

Tetsuya follows in silence, and for once, Seijuurou appreciates that.

* * *

 

"They're leaving!"

Takao stops Satsuki before she stands up. "Let them go," Takao speaks gently, his hold on her wrist insistent.

Satsuki sighs and sits back down.

"Right."

~~_"It's so soft."_ ~~

Tetsuya is not surprised when Seijuurou manages to secure a private area for them, but Tetsuya is curious when he sees that the restaurant is nowhere near Seijuurou's usual standards.

"Nothing fancy?" Tetsuya asks when they sit down, slightly amused.

"You never liked it when I spent too much on you, Tetsuya."

Tetsuya's heart tightened, unable to bear the way Seijuurou still says his name like  _that_ , like he's _everything_ that _matters_. "Don't call me that. We're not dating anymore."

Tetsuya doesn't know that Seijuurou's heartbeats are equally strained, the pounding in his chest bordering on painful. "What if I do anyway?" He teases, but it hurts, really.

"It would be a waste of time to try and stop you, so do as you like." Tetsuya picks his menu up and hides his face behind it, pretending to look it over. Seijuurou gives a rueful smile that Tetsuya doesn't see.

Seijuurou thinks about how occasions like this used to be  _dates,_ bashful, loving and intoxicatingly sweet. Tetsuya would wince every time he spotted an overwhelming price, but no matter how much he protested, he would never have the heart to drag Seijuurou out of the place. Tetsuya would never finish his food and Seijuurou would spend a good twenty minutes just coaxing his appetite. They'd stumble out of the restaurant with their hands laced in each other's just before closing time because they lost track of time together, tipsy from wine, kissing and affectionate bickering.

"Stop staring at me and smiling. What are you thinking? Never mind, I don't wanna know." Tetsuya stops Seijuurou before he can start speaking, but Seijuurou still has that stupid smile on his face.

Tetsuya sighs when Seijuurou begins to speak anyway. "I was just thinking that, under different circumstances, this could've been a date."

Tetsuya's glare is so unlike him that it sends another needle-sized stab through Seijuurou's heart. "It will  _never_ be."

Seijuurou bites his tongue hard, as though physical pain eased its emotional counterpart. "So you say."

"And so I _mean._ Let's stop beating around the bush here, Akashi-kun. You left me with  _nothing_ four years ago and I will  _never_ forgive you for it. Not a  _single_ word in four years, and you decide that _now_ would be a good time to reach out?"

"I left a letter."

"Akashi-kun, everyone knows that if you're gonna break up with someone by leaving them for no reason, you shouldn't leave a _fucking letter_ because that's only going to make it _worse_ for the receiving party, you _idiot_." Tetsuya feels unfamiliar with the atrocity of the words that come out of his mouth, but he doesn't waver.

Akashi digs his fingernails into his legs, his head turning down to look at his feet.  "I told you to forget me."

" _And I did._ But now that you're here, that's pretty goddamn  _useless,_ don't you think?" Four years of pent-up frustration is finally close to bursting inside of Tetsuya, and it's coming out little by little as harsh words and unbridled rage. He's  _glad_ that Seijuurou has the decency to keep his head down. Tetsuya hopes he feels  _terrible_.

Seijuurou doesn't say anything in reply.

He expected this beforehand, so why does it still hurt as bad as it did when Seijuurou first left Tetsuya?  _Whatever happened to being as heartless as everyone said you were, Seijuurou?_ Seijuurou laughs inwardly at the thought of people seeing him like  _this,_ the control resting not in his hands, but in the hands of precious little Tetsuya who practically has his fingers curled around Seijuurou's throat.

"I thought it was a prank, you know? You always liked to mess with me a lot, so I passed it off as a joke, and I hoped to  _God_ that any minute you would show up behind my back with some stupid roses or something. When nothing happened, I waited for hours, a day and a week and even  _longer_ , because I had  _faith_ in you. I  _believed_ in you. I told myself, Seijuurou would  _never_ do that, he would  _never._ But we graduated without you, your name was never mentioned by  _anyone_ and I couldn't understand what was happening because normally  _you_ would have the answers for me but  _you weren't there_ , so who the hell was I supposed to ask?"

Seijuurou closed his eyes. "I-"

"Even after that, I thought you'd  _at least_ give me a call or something, but after a month I gave up on that idea and that was when I _cried_ , Akashi-kun. I held out for two months because I trusted you, because I- I  _loved_ you and that day, I cried and stopped and cried  _again,_ and that went on for _way_ longer than it should have." Tetsuya is close to yelling now, his fists clenched on the table and his entire body shaking with anger. "I couldn't sleep for weeks because of you, and now that I'm finally okay,  _you_ come in like this and you have no idea how _annoying_  it is to have all your years of hard work come undone because of the person who created the problem in the first place." Tears stung Tetsuya's eyes, drops of them clouding both his vision and his judgement. 

"Tetsuya-"

" _Don't call me that!"_ Tetsuya did yell this time, and he hoped that the walls were soundproof, for the sake of any other customers. "You don't  _deserve_ to call me that, or say my name like  _that_ , like we're still in  _love_ , because I  _hate_ you more than you could _ever_  love me. We may have had five _wonderful_ years together but it doesn't even make up for  _half_ of what you've done to me."

Tetsuya inhales, trembling. 

After a few deep breaths and some painful silence, Tetsuya stands up and turns to leave, but Seijuurou catches him at the sleeve just as his hand touches the doorknob.

"Kuroko."

Tetsuya's breath hitches. His jaw tightens as he turns towards Seijuurou once more, but the look on his face breaks Tetsuya's heart just a little.

For the first time, the broken expression on Seijuurou is there because of  _Tetsuya,_ and yes, it does make Tetsuya feel extremely guilty and he  _hates_ that. 

Seijuurou's face is just close enough for Tetsuya to feel his skin, so Tetsuya shuts his eyes to tone down its effects. "Yes, Akashi-kun?"

"I'm sorry."

Tetsuya snaps. He opens his eyes, grabs the collar of Seijuurou's shirt and slams him against the wall on the opposite side of the small room. 

"How  _dare_ you," Tetsuya hisses, his words crushed with anguish. "As if an apology is enough to fix all of this-"

"It's not. I just had to say it." Seijuurou's voice cracks and that sends the first tear down Tetsuya's cheek. "Did you know? I forgot all about you in these past four years. I didn't give you a single thought."

Tetsuya doesn't say anything. He just tightens his hold on Seijuurou's shirt without meeting his eyes.

Seijuurou continues. "I made myself forget, because I thought that the least I could do was to forget about you, so I would never be able to see you again. So I could at least let you move on, so I couldn't search for you at all. And I did. It was one wrong thing after the other, and I thought I couldn't hurt you anymore that way."

"If you were so intent on never seeing me again, what's all of this for? Shouldn't you have stayed away? Where's your  _commitment,_ Seijuurou?" Tetsuya whispers, the words barely making it out of his throat.

"I couldn't do it." Seijuurou's voice is just as soft as Tetsuya's. "After seeing you again, I spent a whole night fighting with myself and I still couldn't convince myself that it would be better to keep out of your life. After I saw you, I remembered you, me and  _us_ and it kills me to know that I might not have any chance to get that all back, so I thought that if I was going to get hurt either way, I would rather die trying to earn you back." 

 _Earn_ him back. Tetsuya sighs as that small part of him reminds him that Seijuurou is still as gentlemanly as he should be, the man knowing that Tetsuya's worth is more than just something he  _gets._ Tetsuya leans forward and rests his forehead on Seijuurou's chest, his hands slowly pulling them both down to the floor so Tetsuya could relax a bit and try to not be affected by how warm Seijuurou is, how nice he smells up close. 

Seijuurou stiffens considerably. This isn't going in the direction he expected it would. 

"You're so tense, Akashi-kun, stop it." Tetsuya's voice is muffled as he now has his face buried in Seijuurou's shirt. _Agh, h_ _e just smells really, really nice, okay?!_

Seijuurou looks incredulously at Tetsuya. " _How?_ "

Tetsuya sinks a little lower, and unfortunately, Seijuurou recognizes this move. 

Tetsuya stares up at him, eyes shining with tears. "Kiss me."

 _Ohhhhh my god. Ohhhh myyyy godddddd._ Seijuurou is hyperventilating. "No way."

"Damn it Akashi-kun, you should know that just because I hate you now, it doesn't mean that I don't miss kissing you, because that's physical, okay?  _Just physical. Physical._ " Tetsuya hopes he's clear about that, but is he trying to convince Seijuurou or _himself_? "If you love me, kiss me."

This isn't just going beyond Seijuurou's expectations. This is completely eradicating the normalcy of the situation, and Seijuurou has to struggle not to burst out laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation really is.

"That's not playing fair, Kuroko."

"Oh, it's really just Kuroko now? And when do I ever play fair?" Tetsuya's hands snaked upwards to cup Seijuurou's cheeks, and Seijuurou shudders. He  _shudders,_ because Tetsuya is  _terrifying_ and he feels that more people in the world should know this fact.  _Fact._

When Tetsuya kisses him, Seijuurou's world topples sideways and down into the void, because his existence no longer matters. _What is life? What is the meaning of purpose in this universe?_

Tetsuya's tongue is sliding over his lips, tempting and no, just  _no._ Seijuurou panics, his mouth opening on instinct and Tetsuya  _attacks_. Blood rushes to Seijuurou's cheeks as the warm appendage inside his mouth makes its way around  _mercilessly_ , Seijuurou's hands clutching onto Tetsuya's sweater for support. Tetsuya pulls back, annoyed.

"Engage yourself more. At least  _try_ to make it good." 

Seijuurou's eyes widen as he looks at Tetsuya. "I-" Seijuurou coughs. "That's not possible. I'm in shock. Shock."

"You didn't have to repeat that. Akashi-kun is still as dumb as he was back then after all." Tetsuya scoffs as stands up and walks back to his chair, leaving Seijuurou stunned on the ground. 

"I'm hungry, Akashi-kun. Do they have vanilla milkshakes here?"

Seijuurou answers dutifully. "Yes."

"You can either eat with me or stay on the floor. Come on." Tetsuya looks at Seijuurou pointedly, mocking him,  _degrading_ him-

"Right." Seijuurou manages to stand up with great effort and sits himself down on his chair.

He hopes that he still has enough of himself left to get through the rest of this ordeal.

* * *

_Games don't come with rules when you're playing with love._

_._

_._

_._

 

 

~~pls read end notes for extra info!!~~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Aquamarines are actual jewels (JUST IN CASE COS I THOT IT SOUNDED WEIRD). I wanted to use tourmalines as comparison instead but I felt that they were a bit more turquoise... ._.  
> -It typically takes 6 years for someone to get a masters degree in fine arts/business/management, so akkr + Ogiwara started uni at 18 and graduated at 24. 4 years since akkr-chan last met and Kuroko's still not over it, oh myyy-//plak  
> -Ogiwara basically has the same questions as we do lmaoo  
> -oK fINE tbh if I dated someone for five years and they left me maybe I wouldnt be over it even though its been four years since it happened, im a hopeless romantic-/no/
> 
> KUROKO IS DRUNK 25/8 LIKE ME OK HE WANTS TO KISS HIS EX BECOS THERE'S A LOT OF SEXUAL TENSION IN HIM-*THROWS SELF OUT THE WINDOW*
> 
> am I the only one who falls in love with someone's scent the most when I'm in love? THAT SOUNDS SO CREEPY BUT REALLY THE ONE THING IM MOST AFFECTED BY IS HOW GOOD MY LOVE INTEREST USUALLY SMELLS TO ME O K IM SO SORRY
> 
> GODDAMMIT AKKR STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC AND JUST GET BACK TOGETHER ALREADY, EVERYONE'S TIRED OF YOUR SH*bleep*T
> 
> Soso sorry this took a while, I took a break after finals to get myself together. Since I promised a longer chapter anyway, I wanted to make this a rilly gud chapter, so I proofread this like 19829847 times becos i have anxiety mKAY (no)


	5. [time goes on]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect a lot of unnecessary drama-//plak :3

It's been a week since Seijuurou's meeting with Tetsuya, but the redhead hasn't forgotten a single word that was said throughout the duration of their meal together.

~~_"You must have been dreaming."_ ~~

> _"Akashi-kun."_
> 
> _"Yes?"_

Tetsuya barely spoke during the first few minutes in. He was likely skimming through the day's events and thinking of a proper reaction to the compromising circumstances of his relationship with Seijuurou.

> _"Do you plan on courting me again?"_

Seijuurou nearly choked at that. Granted, those were and _are_ his intentions, but Tetsuya has always had a way of putting things in the blunt kind of way that catches him off guard. Perhaps Seijuurou has grown too accustomed to more roundabout methods of speaking due to his deep involvement in the business community, its society teeming with slippery tongues and dodgy smiles.

> _"...Yes."_

Tetsuya smiled genuinely for the first time that day, but Seijuurou still itches thinking about it.

After all, it was obvious that Tetsuya was simply amused by his proposition, like the whole thing was a game and Tetsuya was determined to- no, not just determined.

Tetsuya was  _sure_ that he was going to win this one.

They do say that when it comes to falling in love, falling first is the equivalent of  _losing._

> _"You do know that this isn't going to be like it was all those years ago? I've changed, Akashi-kun. You've changed. I don't need you anymore, not the way I used to."_
> 
> _"You've certainly grown, Tetsuya, but I'm confident that at the very least, I'll be able to crack the very ground you stand on."_

Tetsuya chuckled.

> _"Ever the dramatic, as always."_
> 
> _"Only for you."_

Unfortunately, Tetsuya frowned at this one.

> _"Only for me..."_
> 
> _"Hm?"_
> 
> _"I merely wish you luck on this pointless endeavor of yours, Akashi-kun. You'll need it."_
> 
> _"Not really, but thanks anyway."_

Seijuurou was not fazed by the glare Tetsuya gave him after that.

They parted ways peacefully after their fulfilling meal, each walking in the opposite direction as the other. Seijuurou wished he could turn back, just a peek, but that would be a point for Tetsuya, a contribution to his possible (or in Tetsuya's opinion, _inevitable_ ) loss.

Seijuurou returned home in the comfort of his outrageously expensive car, but he was sure that Tetsuya was doing the same by trudging through the piercing cold of winter in contrast.

* * *

 

~~~~Just as Seijuurou thought, Tetsuya did indeed put himself through the torture of the low temperatures of winter winter's evening.

Maybe he was just crazy, but Tetsuya has a habit of fighting fire with fire, and this case is no different. It's unhealthy, but battling your demons with your own share of pain can be a bit refreshing, no matter how much it  _burns_. 

Self-harm is a thing, you know? Tetsuya just doesn't overdo it. Not like many others do.

Tetsuya remembers the winds biting, hurting, and it's a feels new, given that he rarely leaves the house after sunset during the icy season, knowing that he has little to no tolerance for it all. He might regret it if he catches a cold a few days after, but at the time, Tetsuya did nothing but welcome the discomfort. Now, Tetsuya sits in the warmth of his bed, Ogiwara running around to make him hot tea, fussing on and on about his weak immune system, and Tetsuya doesn't ignore him, despite the fact that Ogiwara _always_ feels ignored. Tetsuya truly listens to what everyone, especially Ogiwara, has to say. 

He just doesn't necessarily take it to heart most of the time. 

When Ogiwara finally calms down and Tetsuya has a steaming cup of Earl Grey in his hand, Ogiwara sits next to him on the bed and asks.

"So how'd it go?"

This time, Tetsuya wishes he could ignore him. He sighs.

"It went alright. We had a conversation. A civil one. Like adults do."

Ogiwara raises an eyebrow. "No yelling?"

Tetsuya swallows his tea. It's still hot, so it stings a little down his throat.

"Nope."

Ogiwara gives a small smile. "Liar."

Tetsuya neither confirms nor denies that statement.

~~_"You're being ridiculous."_ ~~

Seijuurou sits at his desk, staring mindlessly at the countless emails he needs to respond to, his absence for merely half a day already showing for it in the form of paperwork and 20 missed calls. Sometimes he really forgets how much work he does, the bustling momentum of the office always dragging him along in its merciless currents. The stress stopped getting to him long ago. Eventually, all that pressure just numbs itself out, so much that it's often unsettling when he actually gets the chance to relax.  _Something's going to go wrong,_ he would think. All the free time becomes worthless as Seijuurou counts down the hours until he has to work again, every passing minute stabbing his gut. 

But that's not the major problem right now. 

As Seijuurou's fingertips run over the keyboard, he keeps thinking, thinking about Tetsuya and his words and all the memories that he hid away for all those years. The flashbacks hit him harder than it probably does for Tetsuya, and he doesn't like the idea of it. For all he knows, Tetsuya may have already truly moved on from him, and Seijuurou really does have no chance.

But Seijuurou keeps those notions in the back of his mind. If he's going to get hurt again, so be it.

At least he'll die with dignity.

* * *

"How do you feel about this? Him wanting to uh...court you again?"

Seriously, Ogiwara thinks. Who the hell uses the verb 'court' in this _century_?

"It's alright, I guess." Tetsuya takes another sip of his now lukewarm tea. "He was nice about it. Willing."

"Willing to what?"

Tetsuya is silent for a moment.

"Willing...willing to work for it. Give it his everything. Die trying. I expected nothing less of Seijuurou."

Ogiwara laughs a little at this, but the look in his eyes betray his true feelings.

Tetsuya knows this, but he doesn't comment on it.

"Do you think that you would ever forgive him?"

"Never," Tetsuya answers without hesitation.

"Let me rephrase that." Ogiwara sits up a little straighter.

"Would you ever let yourself be with him again?"

Tetsuya smiles bitterly. Ogiwara knows. He knows that some things can't be forgiven, but turning a blind eye and forgetting is another solution that can be easily applied, given the right circumstances. Would Tetsuya ever be able to do that? Would Tetsuya ever be strong enough to let it go, to stop carrying the burden of his grudge on his shoulders day by day?

Shit.

He still doesn't even know why Seijuurou left in the first place.

"I kissed him, you know," Tetsuya says suddenly.

Ogiwara's eyes widen and he gulps his own tea before he can spit it all over the place.

"You _what?_ "     

* * *

"I'm worried about him, Midorima-kun."

Satsuki says this as soon as she's out of Seijuurou's office, her arms piling with stack after stack of documents that Seijuurou signed. She knows that Seijuurou went off with Tetsuya yesterday, and the thought of Seijuurou's currently unknown feelings has been gnawing at her consciousness since they arrived for work this morning.

Midorima turns slightly to raise an eyebrow at Satsuki. "Why?"

"You know, about him and his _ex..._ " Satsuki whispers the last part, making sure that no one else hears her.

"Ex?" Her green-haired colleague still doesn't comprehend.

Satsuki's eyes widen. "He didn't tell you? Since he managed to find Kuroko-sensei yesterday, I assumed that he had spoken to you about this, so you could do the research for him, since I refused?"

Midorima, in a way, was Seijuurou's second secretary. Who has  _two_ secretaries? Apparently Akashi Seijuurou does, but it all works since his job is undoubtedly...taxing.

"Who's this Kuroko-sensei that you speak of?" Midorima settles in his desk next to Satsuki's and immediately returns to his work.

Satsuki sighs. "Weren't you both in the same university? How could you not know? His _ex,_ Midorima-kun."

Midorima shrugs. "Akashi has always had his secrets, and you know he's good at keeping them. _Really_ good."                                       

"Well, I'm still surprised that _you're_ not surprised by this news, considering that this is the first you're hearing of it."

Midorima adjusts his glasses and continues to respond without turning to Satsuki, his eyes stuck on his computer screen. "Akashi is a complicated man. I wouldn't be surprised by anything he does, even if someone tells me that he was actually a serial killer for some period of his lifetime."

"You- you know what, you're right. I wouldn't be surprised by that either."

"Exactly."

~~_"I'm always dreaming when I'm with you."_ ~~

~~~~Ogiwara wakes up with a headache.

It isn't surprising, considering everything that happened yesterday.

Tetsuya refused to explain the kiss to him last night, and Ogiwara is largely frustrated. He usually doesn't question Tetsuya's actions, but this is different.

Ogiwara finds Tetsuya in his large bedroom, seated in front of his canvas and back to working on his latest painting. Ogiwara tries to ignore the increasing amount of red in this particular piece. He focuses on the tranquility of this familiar moment, the deja vu of walking into Tetsuya's process gently leading him into pleasant memories intertwined with the vibrant yet tense vibes of concentration that Tetsuya always seemed to radiate. Tetsuya does not merely paint, he  _drowns_ himself in the scattering colours that surround him, lets himself be soaked in the numerous hues that are absorbed into his mind, but never his soul.

Sadly, Tetsuya's soul remains a bittersweet shade of blues and greys.

"Ogiwara-kun, good morning."

Ogiwara doesn't question how Tetsuya knows he came in even though he hasn't turned to look at all.

"Roses?" Ogiwara asks, both exasperated and amused.

"Dying."

"What?"

"The roses. They're dying."

Tetsuya stands up without another word and finally looks at Ogiwara.

"How long have you been up?" Ogiwara breathes, taking in Tetsuya's tired expression.

"The whole night? Most of the night? It doesn't matter. You want coffee?" Tetsuya leaves the room to head for the kitchen.

Ogiwara follows, if only to make sure Tetsuya doesn't somehow die on his way to the kitchen. You never know.

"Didn't I put you to bed last night?" Ogiwara crosses his arms. He doesn't like it when Tetsuya doesn't sleep well enough.

"Did you? I can't remember. I must have slept, then. I probably woke up at some point after."

Ogiwara sighs. "You're insane."

"Naturally.

Tetsuya's coffee ends up being mostly cream than coffee, but Ogiwara's is an exact ratio of sugar and coffee. Both drink at the same time, their cups landing on the table in unison.

"So," Ogiwara begins.

"So."

"Did he ask you out?"

Tetsuya scoffs. "Of course not. He's not  _that_ dumb."

"You're calling your ex dumb."

"That's why he's my ex."

Ogiwara groans.

_~~~~_

* * *

 

"Still, it's different this time."

Satsuki is still rambling even as both she and Midorima had their work modes on, their fingers rapidly working through their keyboards. 

"You know we can't meddle even if we come up with something to do about this, Momoi," Midorima says simply.

"Why  _did_ Akashi leave Kuroko-sensei back then, though? Do you know, Midorima?"

Midorima's fingers freeze and hover over the keyboard. 

"Well, that's..."

"You know. Tell me."

Midorima clears his throat, uncomfortable.

"His family."

_~~"Everything."~~ _

 

"I have to see him again," Tetsuya says, his breakfast barely touched.

"Why?" Ogiwara, on the other hand, indulges himself with glorious, crispy bacon.

"I need to know why he left. I need _closure._ "

Despite everything, Tetsuya still knows. He knows that Seijuurou doesn't abandon people without a reason, that he didn't break Tetsuya's heart all those years ago for _fun_. Tetsuya feels something breaking, piercing him from  _inside,_ as he realizes that even now he can confidently say that back then, he and Seijuurou were truly, unmistakably  _in love._   They had  _everything._ Did they fight? Of course. Were there hard times, like when Seijuurou got too busy for him and when Tetsuya felt too useless, when small things built up to bigger issues?  _Of course._ But none of that  _mattered,_ because Tetsuya was happy when Seijuurou came home, safe when he was next to him, secure when Seijuurou told him he was  _beautiful._

_So yes, I want to know._

Tetsuya inhales deeply, his heart beating steady even as the turmoil churned in the back of his mind.

_I want to know what cause was worth Seijuurou's time, enough to make him break me._

_To break_ _**us**._

* * *

 

_._

_._

_._

_"Are you afraid?"_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sO.
> 
> School is back on track so I'm basically dEaD.
> 
> Forgive me for this late updateee but mAYBE THE PLOT WILL START DEVELOPING MORE NEXT CHAPTER *GASP* (maybe)
> 
> HAVE FUN, I HOPE WE CAN ALL CONTINUE TO BE AKKR TRASH. :D ALSO, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR AMAZZING COMMENTS I FEEL SO LOVED WWWW
> 
> -SAI OUT

**Author's Note:**

> I hope u guys r enjoying this bullshit.  
> comments will be loved  
> thx  
> :D  
> -drnk cat sai-cHan


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